I think there’s a huge misconception about trans* and ace people (including, but not limited to, asexuals, aromantics, demisexuals…) out in the world – despite more and more people trying to educate the masses, and more people being willing to listen. There’s still too many out there that think they know more than they do about individual, or all, trans* and/or ace persons. They know the “reason” behind why trans* and/or ace people are the way they are. It’s obviously because they’ve been raped or sexually assaulted in some way earlier in life…
I’m a transguy. I’m also ace, asexual to be exact. And I actually suffer from childhood trauma of the sexual kind – I wasn’t raped, but I was used in ways a child never should be used. It happened on several occassions, over a span of a few years, more exactly from around my seventh living year until I was around ten years old. I’ve written shortly about it in an earlier post (Dreaded appointment) and I have plans to write at least one other entry focused on it, when I feel mentally strong enough.
So, I have the kind of background that many believe is the norm for trans* and/or ace persons: sexual trauma.
But just because I am a transguy with trauma, doesn’t mean every other trans*person has a similar background!
But just because I am ace with trauma. doesn’t mean every other ace person has a similar background!
And my trauma isn't the reason for my gender or my sexual orientation!
Sure my childhood, and therein the unwanted sexual attention, has a lot to do with who I am today as a person. The trauma is probably the biggest reason for my social anxiety and my near-fear of body contact with other people.
And I can’t know if it’s had any impact on my feelings when it comes to gender and sexuality – but I know it’s not the reason behind my gender or my sexuality! Even if I can’t prove it or be sure of what kind of person I would be today without my experiences.
And if I can’t know for sure which impact the trauma has had on me, then you as an outsider sure as hell can’t know either. And this applies for every other trans* and/or ace person out there too – as an outsider you can’t possibly know more about them, their gender or their sexuality than they do themselves.
So just stop assuming things. Not everybody has the same kind of background. And one’s background – trauma or no trauma – isn’t up for discussion or there to be used to “explain” or “excuse” a trait of a person that differs from your norm.
I’m done for now. Have a nice weekend everyone!